This is in no way, shape, or form, a happy post.

I cried tonight.
I cried my fucking eyes out.
So much that my tear wells dried up like a desert.
My body feels much the same.
Desolate, cracked, and lacking everything but sand.
It's not your fault.
Please, for the love of god, just trust me on this one.
If you can find a way to break those trust issues you have, for understandable reasons, please.
I shouldn't have gotten attached.
I shouldn't have fallen so fucking hard.
I shouldn't have ever kissed you.
Its my fault, its all my fucking fault.
I shouldn't have let you get so close.
I could have prevented this entire situation from arising.
But god damn you're existence is beautiful.
I can't stop thinking about that night on Skype.
Cause I know that will be as close as I ever get to falling asleep next to you.
Which is all I honestly want.
I want comfort, I want to feel safe.
I don't want to feel like this, like everything is out of control and I can't do a fucking thing about it.
What was I thinking?
What made me think this was a good idea in the last bit?
You're moving out of New York, probably permanently, this Sunday.
Why did I let myself become so vulnerable?
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
But I'm not mad at you, not at all.
Please don't take this as being all your doing, cause its not.
I know you wouldn't do a damn thing to hurt me, and I hope you know this reciprocates.
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at everything.
Ugh.
So many thoughts......
.....I think I'm overloading again.....
Fuck....